Benjamin had another good day today. I am thankful for that. He spent a lot of the morning watching his mobile and laying contently in his bed. I love watching him look around and be so aware. Its cute. The doctors pushed his feeds up to 16mls this morning. He had one tiny spit up first thing, but nothing for the rest of the day. I'm getting so nervous as we are getting to higher volumes. He has bouts of serious cramps on and off through the day. I feel bad for him, because he gets very upset and acts like he could climb the walls. He's very gassy...I'm not sure if its because of his issues or that he just a gassy baby. The occupational therapist came in and gave Benjamin a bottle. The first little bit he had a couple episodes where he choked a bit and his heart rate dropped, but by the end he seemed to really get the hang of it. So that was very encouraging. She is coming every day now to try to get him onto the bottle. The nurses don't want to do it because of his issues and they are trying to cover themselves if he aspirates, but the surgeon is worried that if he doesn't get the hang of it he might end up with a g-tube in his stomach, which would be a whole other issue with all the scar tissue he has. So we really need to work at it. He'll never learn if we don't try. Things on the floor are getting a bit better. I'm starting to get to know some of the nurses a bit better, which makes me feel more comfortable. Benjamin is able to soothe himself a bit more, and I'm finally convincing myself that if he cries a little he will be ok. I'm definitely trying to calm down a bit because I'm feeling overwhelmed...I never realized how much I needed Jon until he went back to work. Its really hard sitting at the hospital all day alone...talking to doctors..and just going through my day without him. He definitely is my rock.