Its been pretty busy around the house these days. We have been working on gardens, had a new roof put on the house and just the business of summer like weather. Benjamin is pretty good. Yesterday he had a fever. The first fever he has ever had. I'm not really sure what is going on. Today he was a little warm, but nothing major. He ate well, but was a little sucky. He does have a buldge in his gums, so I'm thinking it might be related to teeth. He is wheezing and coughing again too, but we seem to follow a trend with his asthma. We go a couple weeks with nothing and then have a week or two of wheezing. I'm not sure how he will do with the super warm humid weather. We go see the asthma doctor again soon, so we'll she what she has to say.

Benjamin has really started to crawl this weekend. He's starting to make his way away around the house. He also pulled himself up on the coffee table and piano bench..so I'm gonna move those things downstairs for a while to minimize the injury risk. Its exciting to see him moving. He's right on track for his corrected age of 8.5mths. I'm so proud.

Anyways..Benjamin has a new cousin as of Friday so I'm excited to see what he thinks of a tiny baby. I'm sure he won't pay much attention, but I can't wait to get some pictures of him and my niece Tatum. I'll post them when I can.

Things have been progressing around here. Benjamin is doing great. He is back to his usual self and starting to get into more trouble. On Saturday he crawled. He hasn't been doing it a lot, but I think within the next couple of weeks he'll have it down pat. He is also trying to pull himself up on the furniture. I'm thinking I'm going to have to put away my glass coffee table for a little while. He has also been very vocal lately. He definitely lets us know he's around. He loves to sit and play..but he has to have mommy or daddy close by. I still have been nursing him a little, but mostly pumping and bottle feeding, but since he's been in the hospital he's been a lot more interested in nursing again. I'm assuming its for comfort. I don't mind at all...he's really starting to try to initiate which is funny...even when he's not hungry. Ideally I would like to get him nursing again when he's eating more solids and doesn't depend on my milk as much.

Anyways Benjamin's incision is fully healed. The steri-strips came off today. Its amazing how quickly its all healed up. It will be nice to get him into the tub after 2 weeks. Sponge bathing just doesn't cut it for messy baby like him. I'll take a new picture of his tummy once he's all cleaned up.

Well this week has been good. Benjamin is recovering so well. He's been so happy and active..Its been so nice to watch him laugh and smile. He's back to his busy self which is such a relief. His sleeping habits still aren't great, but I knew it would take a bit to get back into the swing of things. We have no appointments this week...no doctors appointments until the 14th of June when we see the surgeon again. We still have occupational therapy, but that's once a month. We're just enjoying things quietly at home...feeling so incredibly blessed.

Benjamin had a great first day back home. He slept well last night and was in a great mood all day. He's been eating well and we're starting him back on solids tomorrow. I think he is having a little morphine withdrawal though..they didn't shut it off until mid day yesterday and today he was very busy, hardly sleeping and restless. Hopefully tomorrow he'll be back to himself. Now we don't have to see the surgeon until June 14th, unless he has issues with his incision. Its amazing how resilient kids are..I have known this about Benjamin for a long time, but he had major surgery Thursday..more major then we anticipated..and today he didn't even need tylenol. He was rolling around, bending over, reaching for toys and it didn't bother him what-so-ever. Surgery like that lay up an adult for at least 6 weeks and require some heavy duty pain meds. He's my hero :) Anyways we are so happy to be home and thrilled that things are going so well.

Tummy Before

Tummy today

Well over the last 2 days things have moved remarkably fast. Yesterday Benjamin had a repeat x-ray and things looked so much better. He had a poop on his own yesterday afternoon so that was very reassuring. He pulled out his NG tube on his own, in classic Benjamin style. We were thankful that the doctor just said to leave it out. This morning we started feeding him again. He ate well and continued to eat well through the day today. So..the doctor gave us the ok to head home. I am so thankful that things turned around so quickly. We had a few scarey moments, but everything seems to be headed in the right direction. We thought about staying one more night, but the thought of snuggling Benjamin at home in my bed was just to good. We're prayer that he just continues to heal..that his incision doesn't get infected and that we can finally close this chapter in our lives.

Before surgery.

After surgery...right away he was fighting to extubate so they tied his hands down.

Snuggling with mom in the PCCU

Trying to get some sleep in the really bright room

Finally feeling well enough to play

Watching some t.v.

So last night wasn't great. Benjamin started throwing up a lot. The doctors did some bloodwork and x-rays to try to rule out and obstructions in his bowel. His bloodwork was great so that is a good thing. The x-rays showed lots of gas and poop in his bowels but nothing that would indicate and obstruction. Our surgeon is away but the surgeon but the surgeon on call is great. He said that its common for the bowels to go into shock and stop working for a bit. So they stopped feeding him and put on an ng tube to drain his stomach contents. There wasn't much bile which is great, but there is a lot of old blood indicating his stomach is irritated so they put him on meds for that. They are giving him suppositories as well to try to get things moving. So we're hoping things will start working soon. Please keep praying that things work themselves out and Benjamin will heal quickly.

So sorry I couldn't post sooner... blogger was down. Anyways..Benjamin did great through surgery.. he's such a strong boy. The ENT doctor said his airway was pristine and he would never know he was ever intubated. Thank God for that. When the surgeon went in she actually found 4 hernias. She repaired them all. His incision is bigger, but we're ok with scars. He did have some airway issues while he was intubated, so he had to go to the intensive care unit. The extubated around 2:30pm yesterday & Benjamin was completely off oxygen by midnight. We came up to the 6th floor and Benjamin is resting. I got him to finally smile this afternoon. He's pretty uncomfortable but is getting morphine & tylenol. If all goes well we'll be home Monday. Praise God. Thank you all for your prayers & support.

Before I Was a Mom

Before I was a Mom,

I never tripped over toys

or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not

my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.



Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind

and my thoughts.

I slept all night.



Before I was a Mom,

I never held down a screaming child

so doctors could do tests.

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night

watching a baby sleep.



Before I was a Mom,

I never held a sleeping baby just because

I didn't want to put her down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces

when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small

could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.



Before I was a Mom,

I didn't know the feeling of

having my heart outside my body..

I didn't know how special it could feel

to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond

between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small

could make me feel so important and happy.





Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night

every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth,

the joy,

the love,

the heartache,

the wonderment

or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,

before I was a Mom

My first mother's day with Benjamin was great. We had an awesome day with my family. It was so nice just to spend time with the kids..and really enjoy them.

Benjamin had his 8 month check-up at developmental follow-up clinic at St. Joes today. He did an amazing job. The physio therapist was just amazed at Benjamin's progress. He is doing everything they expect out of an 8mth old. They also weighed and measured him and his growth has been excellent as well. Its just incredible considering he was on TPN for 4 months and he had all the surgeries..he was on his back for so long. We are so thankful for that. Now we're just getting ready for Thursday. Benjamin was really wheezy last week, but today he sounds great..so fingers crossed he'll be ok for the next few days. We're asking for lots of prayers as we get ready for Thursday. Pray that there are no complications and that we can be home in 4-5 days.

I will update the blog as soon as I can on Thursday..once Benjamin is settled. Thanks everyone for the continued support.

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have sat in the NICU and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover.
I will marvel at my surviving miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to a nurse taking another temperature, an alarm going off, another round of meds or because I am crying tears for fear of the unknown.
I will be happy because my baby is alive and crying out for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a preemie with physical challenges or medical issues, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Author Unknown

We had another good weekend..but busy one. Benjamin started coughing again last night and coughing a lot through the day today..he sounds a little more wheezy again. I'm not sure what's going on. I know his teeth are still bothering him. He's chewing and drooling like mad. He has 4 already..his one top teeth are still working they're way down. We're going to try to take it easy this week so Benjamin can be rested and healthy going into surgery. I'm so worried that he will get sick. We have a few friends coming over for a visit...but no formal appointments. I'm going to try to get everything planned and in order for next week...since I'll be spending the week at the hospital with Benjamin. Hopefully we'll have a private room so it won't be to bad. Other then that there isn't much to tell you. Benjamin is great..he's sleeping really well to. Its going to make it so much easier for the surgery. He went from midnight to 7am without a bottle so he shouldn't have a problem. I'm relievd. Anyways I will check in before surgery...